Those questioning the ability of Health secretary Matt Hancock to tackle the shortage of Covid testing facilities were left eating their words this weekend. In a move which stunned his critics, Hancock introduced the threat of a £10,000 fine for anyone failing to self-isolate after testing positive. “It’s genius,” a department insider told the bugle.

Tough decisions are being taken up and down the land this morning, and in a much anticipated move, Sneezy has been turfed out of the dwarf house. It follows the implementation of a new law limiting gatherings to six in the wake of an increase in coronavirus infections. A spokesperson for the dwarves told the

There was relief in Barnsley this morning as the schools re-opened and local kids could return to playing truant. For many, it has been the first opportunity to bunk off since March. “It’s been difficult for a lot of our young people” said Tony Clunge, head of Wombwell Academy in the town “A lot of

Filming got under way this week on the always-popular John Lewis Christmas TV ad for 2020. In a departure from the usual schmaltz, this years ad’ will have a harder edge more reflective of the difficult year we’ve all lived through. It starts out with shop staff being handed their P45’s and then shown the

Sheldon Clunge, The Rotherham Bugle’s unofficial senior citizens correspondent is branching out with his own Facebook page. He is a man of many parts – a neighbourhood watch enforcer par excellence, a former fishmonger to the stars, and widely rumoured to be Rotherham’s most impressively endowed pensioner – a rumour he is rumoured to have

The Bugle understands that there are plans to permanently close all schools as it emerged that this years GCSE results are the best ever, by some margin. This was despite schools being temporarily closed for several months as a consequence of the Coronavirus outbreak. An insider at the Education department told The Bugle. “This virus

The nations burglars are being forced into an urgent rethink of their workplace attire this morning as the compulsory wearing of masks looms. Masks have been the exclusive preserve of wrong uns for centuries, but the change in the law, precipitated by Covid-19 means that even fine upstanding members of the public will be wearing

The Twitter accounts of over a hundred prominent Barnsley luminaries were hacked yesterday in an elaborate sex-for-pasties scam. All hundred are well known in the borough for ready access to meat and pastry based products. The Bugle understands that women in the borough have been exposed to tweets from accounts offering tempting Greggs pasties in

In an act of political genius, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has engineered a further delay in the ‘Russia Report’ by appointing Chris Grayling to oversee its publication. The parliament’s  intelligence and security committee produced a report into alleged Russian interference in UK politics last year. It was meant to be published before December’s election, but

A Barnsley man who was looking forward to the pubs opening again tomorrow, has been left reeling after realising that social distancing means nobody will be allowed close enough to spill his pint. Barry Clunge, 47, from Wombwell , has used having some of his pint accidentally spilled by another drinker as a precursor to