Urgent appeal for more divorce lawyers as shit storm from married couples spending time together spikes alarmingly
2020-03-23
The government has launched an urgent appeal for more divorce lawyers as the consequences of forcing married people to spend time together became apparent over the weekend. Couples who would have previously swerved each other by visiting shopping centres and sporting events, were forced into close proximity and the current projections by government statisticians suggest that the shit is going to hit the fan, big time – and fast.
“We knew we hated each other,” one woman who has already googled ‘How do I get rid of my husband’ told The Bugle. “but as long as you keep out of each other’s way, it’s tolerable. I was in the same room as him all day on Saturday and Sunday. Even his breathing gets to me.”
“We expected this to be a problem” a government insider confided “But it’s really alarming that we haven’t even got through the first weekend. We’re going to need many, many more divorce lawyers and quick. We’re in a race against time.”
As The Bugle went to press, enterprising companies had already set up ‘Teach Yourself Family Law In A Week’ distance learning courses and these were being taken up by displaced McDonalds workers, none of whom have any previous legal knowledge or training.
“I’m afraid we’re going to have to relax educational standards if we’re going to get through this.” our insider confided. “If we can’t get enough divorce lawyers in time, the casualty count is going to make Covid-19 look positively harmless.”
