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The Rotherham Bugle

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2024-05-08

Man thrilled about return of blue passport now furious about launch of brown plasters


A man who was celebrating the return of the traditional blue British passport  this weekend, is now furious at the news that Tesco  have launched a range of brown plasters. The retailer has developed the new plasters in response to a demand from customers of differing ethnic backgrounds, for a product which blends in better with their skin tone.

“It’s a disgrace.” said Barry Englander from Barnsley “What’s wrong with good old fashioned British pink plasters? We didn’t win two world wars, a world cup and several Eurovision song contests with plasters in various shades of brown.  This is England and if they come to live here they should fit in with our ways. The Australian’s wouldn’t put up with brown plasters. It would be a pink plaster or bleed to death there. We’re too soft.”

A spokesperson for Tesco  said the retailer intends continuing with the launch, despite opposition from people like Barry, and are even thinking of extending the range to a colour which is likely to be branded ‘Gammon Red’.

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