The Rotherham Bugle

Researchers from the University Of South East Mexborough have put a call out today for people who hang their bagged-up dog shit from tree branches, to come forward. Anyone walking in the countryside can’t have failed to notice the neatly tied bags of poo hanging from trees like Christmas baubles. Well now, academics want those responsible to come forward to help with their research. Professor Ivor Mastiff from the department of Applied Fuckwitology takes up the story.

“We’re genuinely puzzled.” He told The Bugle. “We can understand the responsible people who bag up their dog shit and put it in the nearest appropriate bin or dispose of it at home. We can also understand the irresponsible lazy bastards who let their dogs shit anywhere and just walk away. But what we can’t get our head around is why someone would go to the trouble of bagging up the shit, tying a knot in the bag and then hanging it from the branch of a tree where it will remain for eternity – or until some mythical creature that lives on a diet of bagged up dog shit, takes it away and eats it.”

The Professor hopes that if volunteers are able to help solve the conundrum it might lead to an answer to other inexplicable behaviours like trainspotting, jogging and eating Pot Noodle.