The Rotherham Bugle

Thousands of youngsters, destined for the call centre intake of 2022, were still celebrating last night after yet another year of record A’ level results. The teenagers are all thrilled to have won a place at their chosen University, and fully expect to move on to a well-paid career. But research, somewhat ironically carried out at the very institutions that will be hosing them down for the thick end of thirty grand over the next three years, reveals that the vast majority of them will end up working in a modern day sweat shop with a lanyard round their neck, a script in front of them and a newly-honed ability to control their bladder until a designated tea break. The lucky ones will also get a name badge.

A spokesperson for universities everywhere denied that most  courses deliver few tangible benefits and teach  students nothing useful “On the contrary,” he said “they very quickly learn the effect of compound interest on a debt, the nature of supply and demand in the job market,  and vital coping mechanisms  for dealing with profound and numbing  disappointment.”