Early Christmas Decorators Need A Good Kicking Says Top Academic
2016-12-07
People who put up their Christmas decorations early need a good kicking it has emerged.
Scientists from the University of West Mexborough have identified a direct correlation between people who put their Christmas decorations up before the beginning of December and complete and utter bell-ends.
“We fully expected to find some kind of correlation with Bellendery” said Professor Carol Winter who co-ordinated the research, “but this took even us by surprise. The results were dramatic.”
Professor Winter says the research revealed a linear relationship between the Christmas tree coming out of the loft and general bell end like behaviour. “People who were scrambling about in the rafters in early to mid November were at the extreme end of Bellendery” she said “the sort of people who need a slap at the very least for getting over excited about something that’s for kids. But as you move towards the end of the month. It’s more the sort of knobs who hold you up in supermarket queues by engaging in cheery pre-Christmas banter with the checkout girl. For them, a sharp ram of the trolley into the back of their legs is more appropriate.”
Tom and Jane Lewis from Wickersley agree with the Professor’s findings, “We like to get our decorations out when the clocks go back” “he said “and both me and my wife are total knob sacks of the highest order. This research is amazingly accurate.”
Professor Winter is keen to stress that she is not advocating violence as a punishment for bell end behaviour of this type, but sees it more as corrective. “as you might employ with an over-excited dog that’s humping your leg”, she said.
