Boris Johnson was understood to have gone into hiding tonight after former Russian spy Sergei Skripal regained conciousness and asked for clarification on how many times it’s safe to reheat a chicken byrani. Mr Skripal, 66, and his daughter Yulia, 33, have been in hospital for more than a month after being found unconscious

  Arsenal take a huge 4-1 lead into the second leg of their Europa League quarter final tie against CSKA Moscow next week,  after a first class performance at The Emirates. However, their chances of progressing to the semi-finals were dealt a huge blow tonight, after it was announced that representatives of President Putin will

Liverpool stunned Premiership champions-elect Manchester City at Anfield last night in the Champions League quarter finals. Three first half goals from Salah, Oxlade-Chamberlain and Mane put The Reds firmly in the driving seat for the second leg at The Ethiad in two weeks time. The 3-0 victory puts Liverpool just 90 minutes away from a

  Fears were growing for The Duke of Edinburgh tonight, after an encounter with a nurse of oriental descent, passed without any incident or comment. The 96 year old Duke is spending the night in the King Edward VII private hospital in central London following hip replacement surgery. The operation was thought to have gone well,

There was excitement on The Gold Coast Of Australia this morning as the modern day inhabitants of countries invaded and looted by Great Britain throughout the ages, gathered together in a sporting contest to celebrate their continued reluctant and resentful association. In a four yearly sporting extravaganza dating back to 1930, competitors from over 50

  Gender pay equality activists were outraged this morning after it was revealed that the gender pay gap at one Manchester company – the difference between the wages paid to men and women – tops 7,000%. Harriet Munter from the Fair Pay Alliance told The Bugle “This is an absolute disgrace. Women are being paid

  A 96 year old man, who was admitted to hospital for hip surgery today, is unlikely to be pissed about or given the run-around it has been revealed. His operation will not be cancelled or delayed and will take place at exactly the time and place it was scheduled. There will be a room

  The anti-semitism row tearing up the Labour party, took another twist at the weekend when Jeremy Corbyn  attended an event organised by the wrong  kind of Jews. The labour leader has been encouraged to get out and meet people in the local Jewish community and must have thought he was on the right track

  As Winnie Mandela, ex-wife of Nelson Mandela, passed away at the age of 81,  it was announced that a local Soweto football team will hold a minutes torture before next weekends game as a mark of respect to the former freedom fighter who had a reputation for a robust approach to achieving her aims.