Boris Goes Into Hiding As Skripal Comes Round And Asks How Many Times You’re Supposed To Reheat A Chicken Curry
2018-04-06
Boris Johnson was understood to have gone into hiding tonight after former Russian spy Sergei Skripal regained conciousness and asked for clarification on how many times it’s safe to reheat a chicken byrani.
Mr Skripal, 66, and his daughter Yulia, 33, have been in hospital for more than a month after being found unconscious on a bench in Salisbury. They were thought to have been posisoned by a nerve agent, and Foreign Secretary Johnson had pointed the finger firmly at the Russians, and President Putin inparticular. But Segei’s question raises the uncomfortable possibility that their incapacitation was caused by a dodgy Ruby.
A Foreign Office insider told The Bugle. “Boris has literally shat his pants. You’d think it was him that’s had the dodgy curry. Apparently Sergei and Yulia were eating it for the fifth day on the bounce – the tight gets – and were taken ill the same afternoon.”
As the Bugle went to press, the focus of the investigation had shifted from a square in the centre of Salisbury to a congealed pan in the Skripal’s sink.
