Man thought to be self-isolating just being an unsociable bastard
2020-03-01
A Rotherham man who had been thought to be self-isolating as a result of exposure to the Coronavirus, is just being an unsociable bastard it has emerged.
Ted Rogers from Bramley hasn’t been seen for two weeks after he reported ‘feeling a bit iffy after talking to an Italian looking fella’ in the local butchers. He told friends and family it was best that he self-isolate to protect everyone else, but now a different picture has emerged.
“He’s locked himself in the spare room and he’s got me bringing him food three times a day” said wife Clodagh “He’s even had a beer fridge put in. I can hear he’s got Sky Sports on 24/7. There’s nowt wrong with him but I can’t prove it. Twat.”
Best mate Roy Walker agrees “He never has much to say for himself anyway. Just sits in the corner of the pub watching sport on the telly. I rang him up to see how he was and he just put on one of those voices you do when you’re ringing in to knock a day at work. There’s nowt up with him. He’s just being an unsociable bastard.”
As The Bugle went to press, Ted was thought to be watching a low ranking women’s senior golf tournament from Azerbaijan while eating a freshly made Shepherds pie.
