The Rotherham Bugle

A York University student is staying snuggled up in his stinking pit this morning, just to be on the safe side. His decision comes  despite assurances that a York student currently being treated for Coronavirus, hasn’t been anywhere near the University since contracting  the disease, and has in fact been in China.

“You can’t be too careful.” said media studies student Geoff Clunge as he poked his head out of the duvet. “I know they’ve said there’s no danger, but they would say that wouldn’t they? I’m not taking any chances and will be staying away from all lectures and tutorials for the foreseeable. What’s more I’m taking a small tube of hand sanitiser into the union bar most nights.”

Meanwhile, as The Bugle went to press, the knock-on effects of the virus were becoming more widespread with Chinese Takeaways in Barnsley reporting a dramatic slump in orders.