Public Opinion Shifting Towards A Soft Dry January, Poll Reveals
2019-01-12
A poll carried out on behalf of The Rotherham Bugle has revealed a marked shift in public opinion towards a soft dry January over the past two weeks.
Our poll showed that previously hard Dry Januariateers, who were earnestly questioning the status of liqueur chocolates on the second of the month, had already decided that a glass of wine with a meal, or a whisky for ‘medicinal purposes’, didn’t really count by the 10th. If the trend continues throughout the rest of the month, statisticians have calculated that being able to walk home from the pub and remove ones trousers unaided, will still fulfil the underlying aims and ethos of dry January for many previous hardliners by the 31st.
A spokesperson for the new soft Dry Januariteers said “We didn’t really know what we were signing up for. This isn’t the simple binary decision that was presented to us on New Year’s Eve. Now shut the **** up and crack open that bottle.”
