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The Rotherham Bugle

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2018-01-22

Rotherham Man Recognised By Queen After Finding Clitoris


A local man is being tipped for recognition in the Queens’s birthday honours list later in the year, after discovering what he says is a clitoris. If confirmed, he will be the first man from the borough to find one in over 50 years.

Cliff Wragg, 52, from Kimberworth says he was at home with his wife Brenda last week, when the historic discovery was made.  The mild-mannered bus driver was typically modest about the achievement when we caught up with him at work as he pulled out on a Nissan Micra without warning before making a wanker sign to the bemused elderly occupants.

 “It was just a stroke of luck,” he told us “I wasn’t really looking for it, I mean, why would you? But I strayed into an area I don’t normally visit. There’s been a bit of deforestation of late, which I think might have helped. And then I saw it.  I wasn’t sure what it was at first, but when Brenda woke up, I knew I was on to something.”

Wife Brenda says the first thing she knew about the discovery was when she regained consciousness with Cliff’s Maglite shining in her eyes and with an unfamiliar feeling ‘down below’. “We’ve been married for over 30 years, “she said “and this is definitely a first. Obviously, I knew it was down there, but I thought Cliff had more chance of finding the Lost City of Atlantis. I haven’t been as impressed since he unblocked the bog.”

Cliff says his only regret is that this could be a once in a lifetime thing. “I know roughly where it was and what it looked like,” he said “but now I wish I’d used a marker pen or a bit of blue tac or something to guide me back to the spot. I toyed with the idea of sending up a flare, but thought it might set off the smoke alarm.”

Students of local history will know that the only other previously recorded discovery of a clitoris in the borough was in 1966 when a man named Sidney Hardacre was over-enthusiastic in his search of a piece of chewing gum, spat out during celebration of Geoff Hurst’s winning goal in the world cup final at Wembley, and was subsequently arrested.

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