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The Rotherham Bugle

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2017-10-17

Rotherham Man To Sue Brewery After Losing Sight Of Penis


A gut like Mick’s

A twenty stone crane driver from Brinsworth is set  to sue brewers John Smiths, after losing sight of his own penis.

Mick Tubbs 42,  from  Duncan Street says the quantity of beer he has consumed over the years is directly responsible for the emergence of a space hopper belly which is obscuring the  view of his nether regions. He says that the brewers should have warned him of the dangers and now intends to take legal action

“It’s a living nightmare,” he told us “I used to enjoy looking down and surveying the old love sausage, but now I can only see it in the mirror. With my belly sticking out,  it just looks like the knot on the end of a hairy party balloon. I’m going to sue for psychological damage and loss of amenity.”

A spokesperson for John Smiths brewery confirmed that the brewers have already heard from Mr Tubbs solicitors but intend to vigorously defend his claim. In a pre-prepared statement they said. “John Smiths beer is one of the nation’s favorite tipples and is perfectly safe in moderation as part of a regular diet. Millions enjoy a few pints every week without obscuring the view of any key body parts. But if you neck eight-pints a night, you can wave bye bye to the meat and two veg.”

Mick’s wife Margaret wasn’t  particularly sympathetic either when we told of her husbands  plan to sue. “Take it from me,” she said. “he might not be able to see it but he’s not missing much. This is definitely one for the small claims court.”