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2024-04-27

Pensioners Live For Bin Day, New Study Reveals


A report from The British Institute For Ageing Research suggests that the key to a long, healthy and happy retirement may come from an unusual source. The research looked at men aged between 65 and 90 from all backgrounds and discovered that bin day plays a vital role in their long term physical and mental wellbeing.

“It provides a sense of purpose,” said research leader Professor Anthony Kray from The University Of Rochdale, “For many men over 65, bin day punctuates a desolate time line and gives them the opportunity to take control and reassert their masculinity. Some of those bins can be heavy, particularly if they’ve cut the grass.”

Reg Turvey, 75, from Broom is typical of the type of man Professor Kray is talking about, “I look forward to bin day all week,”  he told us “And often have difficulty sleeping the night before. What if they come early and I miss them? Should I put it out the night before and risk it being tipped up by pissheads, or set my alarm? Can I get away with slipping a couple of  glass bottles in with the general waste?  It’s these sort of decisions that  make you feel alive again.”

Reg’s wife Elsie agrees, “Reg has been a bit of a spare part since he retired, but I see a big change in him when bin day comes round” she says “The old macho Reg is back. There’s a sparkle in his eye, he stands taller,  and he can even get a bit frisky if he manages to ram an extra bag in at the last minute.”

Professor Kray was particularly interested when we relayed Elsie’s final comment. “The relationship between bin capacity uptake and sexual function in later life is fascinating” he said, “We might be able to get another two years research out of that.”

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