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The Rotherham Bugle

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2026-03-12

Page 62

Rotherham Man Finds Dead Mouse In Box of Tic Tacs

An East Dene man says he is still suffering from recurring nightmares and flashbacks, over a week after discovering a dead mouse in a box of fresh mint Tic Tacs. Troy Ditton, 22, from Central Avenue says he discovered the furry intruder soon after opening the pack of miniature mints he’d just purchased from his

Rotherham Man Accurately Predicts Fastest Moving Supermarket Queue

   A Ravenfield pensioner has fulfilled a lifetime ambition by correctly choosing the fastest moving queue at his local supermarket. Retired maths teacher, Arthur Potts was shopping at the Morrisons store in Parkgate last Thursday when the seemingly impossible happened. “Just like every week,” he said “I tried to estimate the speed of every queue

JFK Assassinated By Gay Mexican Muslims

Previously withheld documents released by the Donald Trump administration have revealed that John F Kennedy was almost certainly killed by Gay Mexican Muslims. Conspiracy theorists have long held the view that Lee Harvey Oswald was not a lone wolf killer, responsible for the assassination, with the finger variously being pointed at the Russian Government, the

Rotherham Man To Sue Ikea Following Seven Hour Ordeal

A Brinsworth man says he plans to sue Scandanavian homewares giant IKEA after becoming disorientated and getting lost for over seven hours in the stores one way system last Monday. Eric Bellend (57) claims he feared for his life in the new store near Meadowhall, after losing his bearings somewhere around  the multi-coloured shite beanbag

Wickersley Man In Toilet Roll Turmoil

  A Wickersley man was bracing himself for two weeks of hell last night, after opening a faulty toilet roll. Richard Swipe, 33, from Morthern Road had made a particularly satisfactory deposit on Sunday evening when he ripped open a new roll and made the shocking discovery. “I blame myself,” he told us as we

Love Island Cull Plan Hits Trouble

A plan to execute all applicants for a new TV series hit the buffers last night,  after vigorous protests from environmentalists. Over 80,000 people have applied to take part in the next series of  hit  ITV2 show,  Love Island, which features 32 narcissist, exhibitionist, steroid-bolstered, cosmetically enhanced imbeciles shagging in a villa. A government spokesman

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