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Rotherham Man To Sue Ikea Following Seven Hour Ordeal

A Brinsworth man says he plans to sue Scandanavian homewares giant IKEA after becoming disorientated and getting lost for over seven hours in the stores one way system last Monday. Eric Bellend (57) claims he feared for his life in the new store near Meadowhall, after losing his bearings somewhere around  the multi-coloured shite beanbag

Research Brings Weight Loss Breakthrough For Rotherham Women

Sports Scientists have made a breakthrough discovery that is set to revolutionise the way local women control their weight. The research, at the university of Central Rawmarsh, has revealed that walking at a snail’s pace  while pumping your arms like a demented clockwork robot and talking shite to your mate Sharon, is not an effective

Rotherham Man Furious After Buying ‘One Lady Owner’ Car

A Brinsworth man who bought a car online,  after seeing it advertised as having ‘one lady owner’, has told of his anger after discovering it has knackered alloys, multiple parking dents and a whole bunch of furry gonk type shit hanging from the rear view mirror. Terry Liversedge  says  he bought the 2014 Ford Focus

Wickersley Man In Toilet Roll Turmoil

A Wickersley man was bracing himself for two weeks of hell last night, after opening a faulty toilet roll. Richard Swipe, 33, from Morthern Road had made a particularly satisfactory deposit on Sunday evening when he ripped open a new roll and made the shocking discovery. “I blame myself,” he told us as we caught

Love Island Cull Plan Hits Trouble

A plan to execute all applicants for a new TV series hit the buffers last night,  after vigorous protests from environmentalists. Over 80,000 people have applied to take part in the next series of  hit  ITV2 show,  Love Island, which features 32 narcissist, exhibitionist, steroid-bolstered, cosmetically enhanced imbeciles shagging in a villa. A government spokesman

Tory Voter Switches To Labour Thanks To Internet Forum Expert

A lifelong Conservative party supporter has pledged to change his allegiance to Labour after being put right in no uncertain terms on an Internet football forum. Tony Lewis, 62 from Wickersley was fully intending to vote Conservative as usual on June 8th, before he got involved in a political spat on the Rotherham United Millers

Rotherham Women Poised For Eye Candy Bonanza

As temperatures look set to soar in to the high teens this weekend, Rotherham women are preparing themselves for a visual treat as local men from Thurcroft to Thurnscoe whip off their shirts and display their pub-ready bodies for the first time this year. The borough looks set to be awash with pale sweaty male flesh

Brexit Fails To Deliver In Rotherham

Brexit has been a pathetic failure it has emerged, after a group of “foreign looking Herberts” were spotted brazenly walking around Rotherham town centre. In the week that Article 50 was finally triggered, It was just the latest in a  whole series of incidents that showed that the UK’s exit from the EU has failed

Local ‘Eco Warrior’ Exposed As A Fraud

A man who was thought to be a politically active vegetarian eco warrior is just a scruffy twat, it has emerged. Rob Hill, 25, from Whiston, who wears threadbare sweaters, stained skinny jeans and battered Converse trainers, hasn’t washed or cut his hair for three years. Locals assumed he was some sort of tree hugging

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