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The Rotherham Bugle

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2018-02-23

New England Patriots Player Blames God Almighty For Super Bowl Defeat


An American footballer says that he blames God for his teams defeat at the hands of the Philadelphia Eagles in last weekends Super Bowl. Ivor Helmet, a tight buttock for the New England Patriots,  had previously thanked God after victories that had seen the team reach the final, but gave a damning appraisal of the almighty’s performance on this occasion.

“First of all I have to blame God almighty for that defeat,” he told the Bugle. “Without him we’d probably have had the strength and tenacity to win. It just goes to show that everyone lets you down eventually, even God.”

Helmet’s comments came as a refreshing change to a group of cynical fans who have become sceptical about God having the time,  or inclination,  to take sides in an essentially meaningless sporting contest between two sets of  steroid-enhanced dullards.

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