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2024-03-29

Range Rover Owner Devastated After Promise Of Heavy Snow Turns Out To Be Flake News


A Whiston Range Rover owner was left distressed and sulking last night after the forecast heavy snow failed to arrive in Rotherham.

Dave Dugger from Reresby Road was hoping to play the Billy Big Potatoes this morning.  He paid a stupid amount for his car and is prepared to put up with its poor acceleration, wobbly handling and dire fuel economy, but lives for the three days a year when it snows and he can demonstrate his God-like superiority over ordinary human beings.

“He’s sat in the other room now with a face like a smacked arse, thumbing through Max Emissions magazine,” said wife Diane when we visited her at home. “This was going to be massive for Dave after what happened last year. We had a foot and a half of snow and I’ve never seen him as excited. But then the electric gates froze up. He had to beg a lift  in a neighbours Astra. He can’t look him in the eye now.”

As the Bugle went to press the latest weather forecast suggests it will still be a bit nippy, meaning that Dave will still be able to brag about his warm hands from the heated steering wheel when he gets to work.

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