Volunteers at The Samaritans have been put on the highest level of alert and had all leave cancelled, following yesterdays publication of the Christmas TV schedules. The Bugle understands this is the highest level of alert the Samaritans have been placed on since the financial crisis of 2007 coincided with Katie Hopkins appearance on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, and England getting a right pasting in the Ashes.
A spokesperson for the charity told us “Christmas is a difficult time of year and people on their own are particularly vulnerable. Many of them only have the TV for company, so when they pick up their TV guide and find out all they’ve got to look forward too is Mrs Browns Bastard Boys, we’re expecting the phones will be ringing off the pissing hook. It’s a bald Irish bloke dressed as a woman. That’s it…that’s the joke…end of story.”
We tried to speak to someone from Mrs Brown’s Boys for comment but the person who answered the phone said they were all away on a humanitarian visit to the Cayman Islands.