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The Rotherham Bugle

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2017-12-12

Wickersley Man In Toilet Roll Turmoil


A Seemingly Perfect Roll

A Wickersley man was bracing himself for two weeks of hell last night, after opening a faulty toilet roll.

Richard Swipe, 33, from Morthern Road had made a particularly satisfactory deposit on Sunday evening when he ripped open a new roll and made the shocking discovery.

“I blame myself,” he told us as we caught up with him as he got his money’s worth out of a brand new bumper sized nail brush, “Instead of sticking with Andrex, I fell for the hype and went for the Lidl own brand. I thought I’d got a bargain, but now I’m paying the price.”

When Richard attempted to tear off the first sheet, he discovered to his horror that the perforations didn’t extend across the whole roll.

“Most of the time you don’t get a full sheet”, he told us “but you don’t want to waste it and so you have a go with a ripped off corner.  Other times three feet of paper comes off at once, and it’s dangling round your socks. It’s going to take me two weeks to use this up on my current diet. I used to look forward to a good dump. Not any more. I want this to serve as a warning to others,”

When the Rotherham Bugle approached Lidl, a spokesperson denied that there was a widespread problem with the product, but said the company would be issuing guidelines based around the use of 50 grade sandpaper and a miniature chisel, for any customers experiencing residual difficulties.