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2017-11-17

Kardashian Goes Into Meltdown After Arse Goes Out Of Fashion

Celebrity buttock flaunter Kim Kardashian was said to have gone into meltdown last night after it emerged that her arse has unexpectedly gone out of fashion. The woman who has built an entire business empire on her gargantuan glutes was said to be inconsolable after fashion experts suddenly declared that having an arse on which

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Shock New Historical Sex Allegation Rocks Blue Peter

More childhood memories were left in tatters last night after historic sex allegations hit perennial children’s TV favourite Blue Peter. A Rotherham woman, who has asked not to be named, has come forward to say that she was the victim of an assault when she was a guest on the show in the mid 1970’s.

TV Viewers Vent Fury As Muslims Depicted As Normal

TV viewers reacted with anger last night after Tesco’s new Christmas advert was shown for the first time, depicting a Muslim family acting like normal people. The controversial ad’ shows a Muslim family eating good food, laughing and enjoying time together, and has resulted in a number of customers vowing to boycott the store in

Online Shopper Can’t Even Be Arsed To Answer The Door

A Bramley man who orders his supermarket shopping online says he can no longer be bothered to answer the door. Terry Thomas,  48, says that while ordering groceries online seemed like a luxury at first, nowadays it just pisses him off that he has to go to the door and  take the bags off the

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BBC Countryfile Filming Suspended After Presenter Gets Parking Ticket

Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally. Previously well respected veteran broadcaster, John Craven, was issued with a fixed penalty parking ticket, after leaving his Porsche  outside a chip shop in Leeds on Tuesday evening. A clearly upset Craven was forthright when

Man Who Created Bitcoin Says He Was ‘Just Buggering About’.

The financial world descended into panic last night after the mysterious creator of Bitcoin finally broke cover and admitted he was just buggering about. The development of the Crypto currency, which has billions of dollars invested in it throughout the world, has been previously attributed to someone using the name Satoshi Nakamoto,  thought to be

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American Tourists In Cartoon Cock Up

A group of American tourists are threatening to sue a Birmingham hotel , after claiming that the owners have exposed them to humiliation and ridicule. The group from New York, all in their sixties, left the hotel for a tour around the city centre this week, each wearing  a lapel badge bearing a photograph of

Rotherham Man Finds Dead Mouse In Box of Tic Tacs

An East Dene man says he is still suffering from recurring nightmares and flashbacks, over a week after discovering a dead mouse in a box of fresh mint Tic Tacs. Troy Ditton, 22, from Central Avenue says he discovered the furry intruder soon after opening the pack of miniature mints he’d just purchased from his

Rotherham Man Accurately Predicts Fastest Moving Supermarket Queue

 A Ravenfield pensioner has fulfilled a lifetime ambition by correctly choosing the fastest moving queue at his local supermarket. Retired maths teacher, Arthur Potts was shopping at the Morrisons store in Parkgate last Thursday when the seemingly impossible happened. “Just like every week,” he said “I tried to estimate the speed of every queue by

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